Feeling Better Now

 From our Russian River Canoeing trip this weekend

I have been trying to focus on me. I am exhausted of whining about the past and really feel the need to move forward.  I also have noticed that posting things here about M, has actually not been as therapeutic as I had hoped. Instead, my posts have been giving more power to the frustration, sadness and loneliness that I have been feeling. 

So going forward I am focusing on the future, on me now, and on the past pre-M. My post On Looking Good (Feeling Better) on my weight loss blog 100lbs of discovery (which is pretty rough and relatively new) is my latest update of that journey.

Golden Gate Bridge at dusk. Our trip to Tomales Bay from 2 weeks ago.

I have really been better about looking forward lately, which perhaps has been part of the reason for the drop off of posts on this blog. Regardless, I do intend to do a brief retrospective on "Previous Lives". I need to go back and remember what life was like before M came into my life. I do recall being happy and excited and full of hope and dreams! The "Previous Lives" task has been overwhelming and I have been working on compartmentalizing it before posting. After all, our vision when looking forward is often affected by where we have been...

Stay positive, strong, and optimistic!

Russian River trip - the best pic on my camera :)

Making friends

Men are such simple creatures. Women so complex. That is the very reason that most of the social leaders in the past have been men. It is easier to gain power by clubbing your opponent on the head then by guilting, loving and shaming them into submission.

I have always been one of those women who found common ground with men, much easier than women. There is something much more genuine, simple and powerful in the initial bonding process of guys. I have never been good at making friends with women, because the process has always seemed so strenuous, strained, and simulated. 

After a long stagnation, I have found that making friend, in general, is not easy anymore. And at times, on a night off, I have found no one to spend time with. This is so sad, but also motivating. It is time to leave to comfort of existing friendships and start some new ones... If only, in our age of technology, there was a way that spelled out how to do that.